You're a mediocre friend (and you know it)

The Parasocial delusion

One day I had woken up and decided that my life had fallen apart so much that I no longer desired to be online watching yours. I logged out of instagram with the intention of staying away for a month. I had gotten a new job and quite frankly I was trying to get back out there after months of unemployment which so happen to be the most freeing and anxiety filled time of my life. What a shame that we can’t live off smiles and good vibes forever. Nope I left that nonsense in the summer. By the fall time, I was down on my luck and per usual that calls for hiding and hermit mode because If I don’t have a six figure job to brag about and a five year plan to follow am I worthy of even exiting at all?

Alone Not Lonely (2024) by Bisola Michal

What first appeared to be a hide out resulted into a rebellious act of calling my energy back. I had always been a woman of the world. Posting positively online, smiles and giggles here. A fire ass selfie with my dimples showing there and obviously the motivational content because that’s just who I am. It had never dawned on me that I had been feeding a machine that didn’t love me back.

I had been treating the online space and every encounter on it as my friend, giving way too much with little in return. Of course I’ve met amazing people online before. For instance I met a girl online at the beginning of my coming into consciousness journey. It was 7 years ago and youtube was a space reserved for the radically outspoken. Trust me, if you had a youtube back then you’re the OG of self expression. No we never met each other in person, our attempt at that either last year or the year before (my memory fails me) was interrupted by life’s inconveniences but she is always a Facetime away. I’m talking 2 hours minimum because she shares her story and I share mine. There may be levels to this friendship shit but a healthy dose of reciprocal vulnerability will do it.

For the most part, when I enjoy what I think I am learning about someone through the constant back and forth (because it’s all projections anyway right) I try to initiate further contact beyond the digital space.

“Here’s my number just in case you want to stay in touch xxx-xxx-xxxx”

*crickets*

“Let me know when you have time in your schedule I would love to hang out in person”

*crickets*

(I am guilty of being on both sides of this.)

I won’t pretend that these moments haven’t conjured up an entitled selfishness in me because why wouldn’t you want to take this connection offline. Don’t we connect so much online? The parasocial delusion is real.

We can go back and forth online praising each other in the comment sections, sending a heart on stories or even sending memes that are underwhelmingly not funny at all but do we actually know each other?

And does social media play a role into the concept of low maintenance friendships? (more on this at a later date) If I can just login and look at what you’re doing then I don’t have to do anything further. You know we’re……connected.

While friendships can be found online they are built IRL.

That feeling of closeness without effort is illusive. Let’s face it, you’re a mediocre friend and you know it.

---

Ways to support:

I just launched my coloring book Done Adulting, Time for Coloring . I created it because my inner child told me too. It’s very easy to get lost in what it means to be an “adult” that we never infuse an ounce of playfulness into our experience. This coloring book is your permission slip & here’s the Adulting but Make It Childlike tote🫂🎨