you are your own protector, you know that right?

your heart actually contains a gift that you haven't learned how to work with yet, let's explore that.

Here’s the audio version for my people who are auditory learners. Leave your community insights here.

“The only purity there is, is purity of heart. There’s no other purity. And nothing, or no one, can ever take away from us. No matter what they try, no matter what they do to us, no matter how horrendous the outer conditions might get, no one can touch the purity of our heart”

Remember some months ago I was ready to get rid of my heart when I wrote Take my heart to the carwash or throw it over a cliff? During that time I was in a state of trying to figure out the purpose of having a heart if people don’t know how to take care of them.

I was enjoying companionship with a woman I met online. I immediately was attracted to her self-expression because I recognized that quality in myself. Of course we cackled on instagram as women often do showing genuine love whenever we were on each other’s TL. Almost a year later, I shot my shot. Getting to know her was like hopping into a space shift to leave earth for a little bit and that’s what we did. We created little worlds to just talk and connect. At the least I saw her as a friend before anything else but we had a magnetic thing going especially when we got around each other. That wasn’t deniable. Well that lasted until it didn’t and the dismantling of that interaction wasn’t for anything except the fact that life changed, priorities changed and so did our efforts.

I faced the reality that maybe I made it out to be more than what it was or we just got what we needed from each other to continue on to live beautifully in our respective lives. It took me about a month to get out of my head about it because I don’t pretend to be hard and uncaring toward people.

As humans we have this beautiful capability about us ,that we often overlook, where we can learn so much about who we are through relationships with others.

So of course there was this internal cycle where I go back and forth trying to figure out who’s to blame is it me or is it she? I did it for some time. Putting the blame on someone else feels a whole lot better than admitting our own role in any matter. Eventually, there was a deep knowing that had settled within me that regardless of who comes and go from my life there is always something to be gained. I had discovered something new about myself again and self-discovery is my favorite activity.

Your heart actually contains a gift. You just haven’t learned how to work with it yet.

I learned that I unconsciously share a piece of my soul anytime words flow from my mouth because that’s just who I am. My heart has the gift of seeing through people and uplifting them according to what I see. So most of my interactions with people looks like me recognizing something hidden or buried within them and pointing it out. My heart takes full stage. When my heart takes full stage that mean there is no barrier or entry code to accessing her. She’s free game for goodness to flow her way and also trouble. I now know that sometimes people aren’t ready for that or they pretend to be with no real intent other than to feed off me. Of course it’s normal to feel frustrated when people play with us and our hearts but it’s personally not their problem.

How can you expect anyone to be responsible for taking care of your heart when they have a heart of their own? Most people don’t even know how to take care of their own hearts. You are your own protector you know that huh?

I’m not saying that you can’t trust people with your heart….nope what i’m saying is that if someone decides to take care of your heart it is a choice that they’ve made for themselves. Otherwise you can’t assume that people will so you have to practice discernment in sharing the gifts of it.

And guess what? At one point I saw this as a flaw that took me straight into victimhood I’m “too giving” “too generous” “too loving” “too open” “too uplifting” “too encouraging” “people take me for granted” “everybody think they can play with me” blah blah blah and then get all bitter and weird about it.

But now I embrace it and I work with it.

“All our relationship and problems are instantaneously resolved when we connect with our hearts and genuinely tune into them, since there is nothing external and we cannot be tarnished by anyone or anything.”

I’m currently learning how to cultivate the energy that what I have is precious

*s/o to Jasmine Nneena from Erah Society for holding space for me to learn this*

Here’s why:

1. it’s my responsibility to maintain the vitality of my heart and no one else

2. to speak with me is the gift

3. I can be selective of who I share my overflow with

4. silence speaks louder than words

5. I don’t have to go out the way to make people see my heart

6. If I remain an open channel those who are meant to connect with it will find me and those who aren’t will reveal themselves in time

I really like this picture it’s less about withholding love though and more so about being strategically discerning lollllll

“Ok Tiana, you know your gift but how are you incorporating this into your every day life?”

Well I’m less eager to take on the role of being the “engager” in social settings. I don’t wanna hold the weight of human interactions on my shoulders anymore. In the past I did that a lot to avoid awkward silences.I give people more space to show me who they are instead of me going in prophetic mode lol

I’m getting better at not curling into myself if I’m around someone who I feel has a personality that intimidates me. I know that’s just the piece of me who sees a quality in them that may not be as strong in me and that’s fine. They have their gifts and I have mine. No need to feel threatened and compare.

also knowing the difference between sensing when someone is closed off to receiving or if they may need some time to warm up their personality. There is a difference and this one is major to recognize!!! More times than not, people are socially anxious and are just in their heads about how they are being perceived so their personality might not come in as hot in the beginning.

So that’s all I have today for you, this was fun. I leave you with this question What’s is my “weakness” as it pertains to my heart, in what area/situations of my life do I over work my heart ? Looking at that answer will reveal your gift Remember it’s not a weakness but it will present itself in that way especially when you get tired of being stepped on.

I want to make space for more dialogue so if you’re reading this right now go to community insights, take a moment to leave me anonymous feedback about my work, what you enjoy, what you’d like to see more off and feel free to ask me a question, share your answer to the question if you want. I’ll answer questions and offer insight into my next post.

chao for now.

xoxo tiana