I'm not hard I'm soft and I like it.
I'm not hard I'm soft and I like it.
reflecting on "the bigger person" syndrome, generational wounds of being the "hard" black woman, having compassion for self and others, to be positive or to blow a fuse?
Thank you God for this morning. The air is crisp and breezy. The birds are chirping. The world is still silent as everyone adjust to the shift from night to day. I thrive at this time. I love 6am and I love midnight, by that time everyone is in bed. The overall energy of the world is resting and slowly rising. If you’re anything like me, you can feel it. My mind is at ease and my creative flow is at an all time high. What do I have to say today? What is on my heart? I ask.
Soooooo much and I’m afraid this post can only cover so much. I go through lessons like women change panties, although my choice of panties is none, I experience life, I write, I share.
Well now that I’ve crossed the threshold, I realized that there is one major thing that needs my attention in this ascension.
Well there are emotional imprints on my heart that need tending too. Pisces season has me extra sensitive and I won’t fight it. Instead, I’ll use this time to sift through everything that comes up.
It’s amazing how you can be grateful, happy, sad, and mad all at the same time. That’s been my dilemma as of lately. I am being called to sit with myself more than usual. I don’t know where to begin but I will be asking questions that need answers. Your participation is required ( not really but I love to be in dialogue so if you have an answer to these questions let me know)
Let me outline today’s discussion
The “bigger person” syndrome can do more harm than good sometimes.
Being positive at the sake of processing your emotions? chile please.
I’m not as emotionally hard as generational trauma wants me to believe.
I’m a different woman now, I need to learn how to hold space for her.
I need to learn how to hold space for the human in others.
The “bigger person” syndrome can do more harm than good sometimes.
For me, knowing better means doing better so I automatically hold myself to a high standard. I’ve gone without saying what I wanted to say or feel how I needed to feel for the sake of “being okay” and “rising above”
What if I don’t want to rise above?
What if I want to tell someone off and blow a fuse?
There are so many things left unsaid between me and others. I just realized that some nights ago as all the hurt came rushing in like a tidal wave.
Most of the time I don’t enjoy leaving things open ended. I am a direct, I like closure. I am a communicator but not everyone is like that. If you’re the same way my question is
As a communicator, how do you show up in a passive aggressive and emotionally avoidant world without taking things so personal?
How do you make sure that your communication style doesn’t impose on others?
I do believe that we don’t owe each other explanations for everything but some things are worth being explained. Don’t you think that maybe if we could all become better communicators with ourselves first that behavior can show up healthily in our relationships with others? maybe we won’t always feel the need to crash and burn when it comes to communication.
Everyone says “communication is key” but that’s one of our biggest draw backs in humanity in my opinion. We’re either too prideful, or just not equipped to say what we mean and mean what we say.
Being positive at the sake of processing your emotions? Chile please
I have been positive at the sake of processing my emotions. I immediately go into rationality, practicality, and understanding mode as if nothing is worth the bother but the emotional back log though???? We never think about how much emotions get backed up in our system when we don’t say the words, don’t feel the feeling, and when we’re just a little too eager to sweep things under the rug and be positive again. I only hope that I haven’t robbed someone the experience of processing their things because of my happy go lucky behavior. I’m just realizing that it’s slightly….just slightly a personal problem of mine. On the bright side of that behavior is that I aways see the light at the end of every tunnel. Sometimes people just need to be guided toward it.
I’m not as emotionally hard as generational trauma wants me to believe.
As I journey deeper into my 20’s I see how much I am an emotional replica of the women in my family. I see the behaviors and patterns that were passed down energetically and through observation and repetition. When it comes to expressing emotions as a black woman, I can’t say that it is an easy task. The mind says
“stay guarded”
“protect yourself”
“be strong”
“you are at war”
“stand in pride”
but the heart says
“I feel”
“I need”
“I want”
I could go on and on about this topic
It’s evident we’rent made this way but adapted this way of being over time from experiences that have happened to us. Now that I’m opening myself up to new relationships I see how we’re all wanting to connect but feel hesitant. Can you really blame someone for protecting themselves in this way?
Truthfully, all it takes is one case of I wish a muthaf**ker would try me that’ll make you put the wall back up. We’re always one step away from it.
How do you break the cycle of being the emotionally hard black woman when it feels embedded in your veins?
How do you break the cycle when everyday you are a just one hurt away from reinforcing the guarded behavior?
My guess is that it’s an everyday choice to massage your heart even as each hurt, disappointment, and pain causes you want to resort back to the old ways. I’m releasing the need to be that way because I know the woman I am now needs to exist in new ways. That’s all I know for now simply because I’m still in the midst of that exploration and I don’t have all the answers.
I’m a different woman now, I need to learn how to hold space for her.
The way we take on change every year without acknowledging how far we’ve come should be a crime. We get so lost in the fixing and healing that we forget to stop and observe the person who has been doing the fixing and healing.
“Is that person okay?”
“What do they like to do now?”
“How do they like to show up?”
It feels like beginning again.
Learning how to hold space for that is so important. I’ll admit that I feel lost right now because I don’t think the way I used to and I definitely don’t see myself the way I used to. I’m figuring out what this version of Tiana likes. It’s very fun but also very scary. I feel completely raw. Since I know The value in choosing I guess I can rest assured in my position as both the researcher and experimenter because that’s what this experience is calling for.
I need to learn how to hold space for the human in others.
I need to learn how to hold space for the human in others/their actions without taking it deeply and personal. In emotional alchemy, I discussed my relationship with anger. As we know, anger is a secondary emotion so there is always a feeling that wants to be expressed before it. Today I want to focus on when we feel sad, hurt, or disappointed.
It’s important to always remember that in every situation we are all trying to exercise the right to have autonomy over ourselves. While someone may have disappointed you, they were more than likely protecting themselves. That thought alone keeps me objective in my understanding of others. I tend to be the peace advocate in disagreements because of it but there is something i’m still struggling it with
How do you hold space for your human and their human?
The human side of us is wild. We collectively do and say things to hurt one another. No one is better than the next person. That keeps me humbled.
How can do you have compassion for yourself and others?
I wonder if compassion is the key for existing together as humans. Truthfully, I need an updated lesson on compassion so I’ll be exploring that.
I send you all my love
xoxo
Tiana♡