Conquering fears in Mexico City

"our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive"

I have been so immersed in life as of lately, that putting my experiences into words has felt like a minimization of the wonder that each moment has offered me. In this season, I am vowing to not only look but to see, to stand still in my feelings, and to make observations without judgment. I am conquering my fear of living.

Most of us know exactly what our fears are. No one willingly admits that maybe they are afraid of finding out what it means to be alive.

This year I want to bloom into a version of myself that feels both familiar and new at the same time. I acknowledge how far I have journeyed as a woman and all the new energy I have yet to embody. The familiarity of it all though, is sourced in the heart of my younger self. That’s why last week, I took a moment to share gratitude to the younger me.

There was no becoming, until I stepped back to integrate the light hearted spirit of my younger self with the wisdom of my now self.

Some of the things that my younger self dreamt, felt, said, or wanted may have held no true purpose, but I can’t bypass the fact that there was apart of me that was filled with so much hope, wonder, and an overall vitality.

So in a many ways what my younger self wanted held the deepest purpose and passion. It is my “mature” self that dumbed down her wants to childish thinking but it is the same childlike spirit that made me dream in the first place.

Rekindling your wild heart

Our hearts are anything but tamed. It explores territory that the mind doesn’t dare to wonder. Yet the mind always has the final say. Why is that? when the mind is dictated by fear and the heart is nothing but pure spirit. Why have we turned away from our one true guide? My answer is that it’s because we have been programmed that way. The trust we have for ourselves is snatched from the palm of our hands and put into a society that is driven by fear. Just look around it’s all in the adversing. Meanwhile we are caught up in the illusion that we are “living” as we continue to go to the jobs we hate to pay bills that aren’t going away. How dare we save money for the vacation we need to take.

There is so many things that we want to do but instead of taking advantage of Today we wait for one day.

I know that much of my disdain for life is because I am not living it entirely. The days when I wake up filled with melancholy is when I feel I have taken my own life without completing the action itself. The melancholy isn’t necessary the problem, emotional bouts are apart of life, but it is my attachment to the belief that life won’t get better that keeps me deeply miserable and discontent. So how do we fix all of this when we know that our hearts are pure spirit, wild and so damn curious?

Following your heart

We must learn to follow our hearts but one can only follow their heart when they can admit that they have been living a life distorted by the mind in the first place. So much of what I do is to break away from the limited patterns of my mind. I know that the beliefs are energetic ties grasping for dear life, passed down from all the people before me. The only difference between me and them is that I am not living in survival mode. I can choose to thrive. I have too much technology and privilege of my own not to (yes, we are all privileged in different ways).

Following your heart includes an intensive process of identifying fears of the mind.

Fears are not the enemy but you must be discerning on which fears are extremely valid and which are outright debilitating.

As I sit down, and give myself time to listen to my heart speak through meditation and journaling. I have done so since the age of 18. My heat coherence has only improved with time. I no longer shame or guilt myself for wanting what I want. I know that what my heart wants, wants me too. So on Valentine’s day I followed my heart as it told me to take my first solo trip. I decided to face a fear of traveling internationally alone.

Realizing that according to astrocartography ,a map of how and where the planetary energies in your astrological chart have an influence on you across the world, my Venus line ran through Mexico City it was only natural for me to grace the city with my energy. I danced with the energy of Venus as I felt my most beautiful and connected self.

“You are glowing”

“You look so happy and different”

as my loved ones said via facetime, all I could do was smile because they were simply………. right.

Conquering fears

One of the best things that I learned on my solo trip is that every time I follow my heart, I dissolve myself of a fear. I become more open and receptive to the pure energy of what God, universe, spirit (or whatever you call em) has for me. Why do we believe in our fears more than the possibility that what we want just may be the thing that changes the entire game? That's the question that kept going through my head. The road blocks and barriers leading up to my trip were strong. I almost didn’t go. I refused to let fear and inconvenience win. I couldn’t let myself down. I know I needed to go. Running off 4 hours of sleep, I got off from work, packed my bag and boarded the last flight out to Miami to leave for Mexico the next day. I got the middle seat and was grateful to get on but I can’t say I wasn’t slightly regretting it. I was tired and uncomfortable in that moment. My mind raced with the worse outcomes until I finally touched down in my destination.

“I did it! I did it! Now it’s time to make the best of your time away”

I said.

Most of that time was filled with so much excitement I hardly ate but also ate good when I did eat.

The boarders of my mind stretched through every second of it. Speaking my choppy Spanish went a long way and boy did it feel good to be greeted with kindness by every stranger. I was my most independent self because in that moment, all I had was myself. I’m still floating off that entire experience. I don’t plan to come down from it either. Floating in the belief of myself is where I want to be.

Side affects of conquering a fear

Your vibration is immensely raised because you gain PERSPECTIVE. You see that much of what you do or don’t do is a matter of figuring our what is important. Going on that trip helped me to see how much importance I place on things don’t contribute to my happiness. I don’t believe that conquering your fears will always be a pleasant experience but you grow. Who doesn’t love growing? There is one more truth that you’ve identified about yourself as you may currently live covered in the perception of limiting lies (we all do). Growing pains is a real thing but it’s worth all the momentary struggle. You might just see that “it wasn’t that bad” and then continue on to do more new things. You become even more established in self-trust and the ability to make great decisions for yourself.

Trusting in yourself is the foundation of your existence. Without self-trust, we look to others about what’s right for us but only YOU know what’s right for YOU.

My favorite part of it all is

Expressing gratitude

“Thank you” is something I say every second of the day now.

You learn to say thank you more and more everyday for everything. Once you’ve done something and get to the other side of it, there is a feeling of gratitude to experience that thing in the first place. The ability to say thank you changes the game immensely. The energy of your life slowly starts shifting. According to the law of gratitude, “Gratitude will speed you through your growth and success more than any amount of hard work ever can”. It’s not saying that work isn’t necessary but gratitude completes the cycle of knowing. All situations bring gifts, and you cannot permanently leave unless you appreciate the gifts it brings you.“ When you are grateful for what you like and what you don’t like, you complete the knowingness and you are released from having to experience what you don’t like”. It’s a hard concept to grasp mentally but the shifts occur in your mind and soul unconsciously changing the direction of subconscious patterns.

Through making the one choice and following up with action I have given myself so many new possibilities to choose from. Things that I thought were impossible now have the ability to happen tomorrow. The state of my being has shifted and I have found a love for all that ascension requires. My desires have changed. Things I never thought to want feel achievable now.

I have found a new power to operate from.