Being honest about where I am
reflecting on my journey as a flight attendant, Leave the trees alone, Spending time at home since that's all I have energy for, p.s i'm scared shitless
I love crisp morning air and as I stare at the dying leaves on a tree I feel annoyed that my apartment complex took it upon itself to cut down the tree that was right in front of my balcony. Although I’m on the 3rd floor, I feel like it gave me a sense of privacy.
Furthermore, When I went on my walk some days ago I could easily tell that these trees were here long before these buildings were.
Some trees you just can’t cut down and it shows because they are still needed for infrastructure.
“Babe they cutting down the tree”
I wasn’t even home when they did it. I was away on a 4 day trip working.
“Let me see, let me see”
He turned the face-time camera around and suddenly my heart mourned for a tree that I didn’t get to name. Then I went off into a rant about humans chopping down trees for aesthetic purposes that they may cry “safety” or to build more shit. So back to my point if they could get rid of them all they would but it’s simple, they can’t because they need them.
I guess I’m happy I was away after all for the tree cutting action because I witnessed them cutting one in front of the leasing office when I got back. I turned my head in disgust. Trees are a huge part of my sense of home because growing up in a small country town, Donaldsonville, Louisiana to be exact all we did was do tree shit.
climb trees
swing from branches unto the trampoline that was positioned perfectly under the tree at my grandma house.
hide behind trees during a game of hide and seek
I feel a kinship with them because they helped raised me and they still do. In every place I live, I strive to see more trees. I especially enjoy apartment complexes that sit back from busy roadways and interstates.
These days, I love spending time at home. Truthfully it’s all I have the energy for. After 5 years of flying, my job as a flight attendant is physically out of alignment for me. Those years are catching up to my 27 year old body.
Anytime I’m in the airport I get completely zapped into another world of energy absorption. I’m talking high speed and if you’re sensitive like me then you know what I mean. The passenger chaos, the trillion conversations happening at one time, the airport announcements, the boarding announcements, the smell of funky cheese from the new jimmy johns, the greasy whataburger scent.
“Hey coming through *beep* *beep*, the airport cart thingy that drives people who need assistance around.
“Excuse me ma’am do you work here? ”, the passenger with with their unsolicited complaint about how they had to run from gate to gate as if I’m apart of the airport development committee. I won’t even begin to tell you about the passenger I held accountable for her rudeness one day in that regard.
Do you get the picture? Now for some reason I have always been reluctant to tell people I’m a flight attendant. Maybe because I don’t want to talk about my favorite destination and I literally don’t have this thrilling travel story that you’re seeking, or maybe because I’m too tired to talk about work I’m not at work or maybe it’s because people don’t see me as a human when I’m at work just “the flight attendant” and let me tell you, despite the fact this flying thing could completely go array and I’m the one who is trained for instances like that, people do not respect flight attendants.
I always approach the topic of adult babysitting with caution because I know it’s a highly glamorized job but with every pro there are some cons.
I can’t even begin to put into words how this job provided me the opportunity to live life and create it though. The proof is in the journal entries circa 2017 and beyond.
I walked hand and hand with love here because of this job.
I met the love of my life.
Before this, I pretty much walked and and hand with fuck boys and situationships.
So much of my develop into womanhood has happened while being at the center of this job. I was just a 22 year old trying to figure life out. I didn’t like school so I prayed for an out.
Just praying for a change
“God…….please, I don’t want to go to school next fall”
and by the beginning of the new year I was one foot in applying to be a flight attendant, going to the interview, getting the job, going to training and packing my bags to move to a new state.
I have gone exactly where I’ve needed to go with still so much more to explore but now I’m tired.
Attached to the identity of me being Tiana the flight attendant, I am imagining myself in different spaces now because I know that the best is still YET to come.
It always is. I don’t write this to be cynical, I write this to give myself permission to know that I can move on from anything at any moment when I feel my time is up.
In a way, I know writing this is helping me to usher in a new timeline, a new vision.
The vision where I can focus on my business, Tianainflow LLC and my life on the ground away from constantly being on the go and using the excuse of “ being out of town” to avoid human interaction although human interaction is all that I crave. (yes this job is perfect for avoiding people, I’ve used the excuse of being out of town on several occasions to get out of people obligations. I have no shame in my game. lmao)
My body wants more of me, my body is preparing me for my final departure,I know it
What will I do next though when I don’t have the security that this job has provided me for years?
Can I make money on my own without this job?
What if what I do next, I hate?
Can I let go off my attachment to the identity of being a flight attendant ?
Am I crazy for wanting something different when someone out there wants to be where I am?
These are the questions I relentlessly flood myself with, this is me being honest about where I am. There is still so much to say about this chapter in my life, I just touched the surface. I know that I choose what I become but I’m still scared shitless.
Current Offers:
🌿Consider a paid subscription, If you enjoy my work and would love to plant a seed of love in my journey as a writer, creative, energy guide & wellness facilitator. One time energy exchange of $21 dollars or $3.50 a month. Regardless, I appreciate your support.
Also loved the voiceover!
You’ve evolved from being a flight attendant but are grateful for what it’s awarded you. It’s time. I’m excited for you. Let me know if you want to discuss if you are going into another field or just focused on entrepreneurship. I’m in HR / Recruiting so I’d love to be a resource. Also you & your bf look gorgeous. 🤎